pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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