All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
