The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Who died my cat blue again?
I deserve this hangover.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize