My Higher Power is John Stamos
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
