I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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