meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize