We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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