She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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