All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
