i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
