Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
