I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
