I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
