I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And then he peed in my hair
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