Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize