He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
