Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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