Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
