I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
