I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
