Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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