So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
