How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
