i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
