And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
