I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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