Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
even my farts smell like vagina
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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