i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
