Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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