I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
