im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
