Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
