i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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