Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
