i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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