no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
