just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
