I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
