I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
