you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
