I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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