Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
