just survived the first fart of the relationship.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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