do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What a dumb baby whore.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
