She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
