Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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