i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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