It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
