i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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