Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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