so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
