We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
