Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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