Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
