Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's blow job season.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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