saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
