I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
