Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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