No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
