just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
