I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There's always time for handjobs
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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