So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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