No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
