i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
