he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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