i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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