yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
