Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
