Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
