He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
smell my finger.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
