Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize