Your mouth is God's brothel.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You left your phone here
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