Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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