Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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