Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
