Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
