You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
