Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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