Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
